3 Red Flags an Avoidant is Plotting Their Escape

Because the sooner you notice these patterns, the better chance you have of saving your relationship — real world advice you cannot afford to overlook

Photo by Mukul Kumar on Unsplash

Avoidants follow the same playbook.

At first, their behavior might seem confusing. But it’s really not.

You might wonder something like, “Why do they text me, go out on dates, and all this other stuff — only for them to mysteriously pull away?”

One minute, they’re affectionate, the next, they’re distant. But after enough experiences, you start noticing the patterns.

Once you recognize the signs, the question isn’t if they’ll leave — it’s when.

Depending on the severity of their emotional distance, most relationships with avoidants either end up in divorce/breakup, or at best, remain as hollow, superficial experiences that fail to meet anyone’s needs.

Even if they never leave you physically, they’ve checked out long ago.

This article breaks down exactly how to spot an avoidant’s exit strategy before it blindsides you.

However… avoidant patterns aren’t set in stone — attachment isn’t black and white.

While some people lean heavily avoidant, anxious and even secure individuals can display avoidant tendencies under the right circumstances.

Rather than simply labeling someone as strictly avoidant, it’s more useful to recognize patterns and how they shift depending on the relationship dynamic.

In this article, you will learn how to:

✅ Recognize the three major signs that an avoidant is about to leave

✅ Understand the avoidant relationship cycle and why they pull away

✅ Protect yourself by setting firm boundaries and avoiding emotional investment in unavailable partners

If you recognize these patterns and want to avoid them in the future, check out my updated list of 14 Red Flags in Dating.

Inside this article, you will also find my Avoidant Attachment Patterns Assessment Guide — a downloadable resource that helps you spot avoidant tendencies early so you can protect yourself before getting too invested.

Additionally, my 2025 Updated Boundaries Cheat Sheet, normally $10, is available free, exclusively to paying subscribers. This guide lays out the exact strategies I use to filter out emotionally unavailable partners.

This article also includes links to key resources to help you better navigate relationships — with others and yourself.

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