I Confronted the Narcissist Today
How life often gives you what you need when you least expect it.
I wish I could make this story up. But it's the truth. I was not expecting this to happen, but at the same time, I felt like the "‘Julie’ Saga" wasn't closed yet. I knew that "something" with her was bound to show itself in my life. Whether that was her reaching out to me or some other circumstance, I felt that within about a 7 or 8-week time frame, something concerning ‘Julie’ was going to happen. In my gut, I knew this.
And it did. This situation is so bizarre that as I am writing this I still can't wrap my head around it. I didn't dream this. It's all real life.
Since she left me way back in May, I’ve had a hard time letting go. To suffice, it’s been a difficult time for me emotionally. I often think about her. The rumination of what happened has lessened by a massive amount, but I still miss her and I am angry for discarding me like a used tissue paper.
While I know it’s important to give yourself closure, I felt I needed it from her. Today, I got my wish. I think life was looking out for me. I believe this is true because I’ve been taking the time to visualize myself hugging and talking to this person for the last few days. Letting her go. “I love you, but it’s time for you to leave. You hurt me. I need to move on.” And then visualizing her walking out my door.
I went to my barber, and as I was walking out after the appointment, I saw her nearing the crosswalk waiting area in my downtown.
It was more like our paths intertwined at the right moment. I was walking up, and she was walking up to the crosswalk perpendicular to me. It's one of those insane moments. We literally crossed paths as if it was fated to happen.
My barber is quick. I even got there a few minutes early and he got me started before my scheduled time.
If my actions had changed only slightly in the barbershop I would have completely missed her. Or if I had been a minute later. Or spent 10 extra seconds paying. Or if I had been stopped at a crosswalk on the way back to my car, things would have completely changed.
But no. By some wild random chance or some pre-determined, fated set of actions, she and I were now a foot apart from each other less than 5 minutes from me exiting the barbershop.
Isn’t that crazy how life is sometimes?
I yelled out her name. She looked at me and I looked at her. For a second, my mind almost made my body reach out for a hug, but something stopped me.
For over a month we’ve been in No Contact. I was shocked to see her, and so was she. She had that “OH FUCK” look in her eyes.
Now, my ex is very self-absorbed. She has an avoidant personality, and I always felt like I was walking on eggshells to make sure I didn’t upset her or cause her to leave. Also, I was constantly taking on her emotional burden by reassuring her of things that a mature adult should not be fretting over.
I often felt drained after our interactions, and interestingly, like today, I always struggle to remember the interactions we have. It’s like a spell gets put on me when I am around her.
She covertly controlled our relationship by being late or flaking on me. She wasn’t a narcissist, but I find myself in relationships with egotistical, selfish women, and she was not an exception.
I felt like I hadn’t been able to say my peace with her, and I’ve been compelled to tell her how I truly felt. I’ve caught myself almost texting her, but I didn’t want to give away what power I had left.
Anyway, I didn’t ask her how she was doing, or what she was up to. None of those pleasantries. I was already angry and anxious. I looked straight at her blue eyes and asked her “Why?” “Why did you leave?”
She coldly responded, “I just wasn’t interested”.
This was a brief encounter that almost flashed in a blur. But I remember shaking my head and feeling so let down. I turned away from her and then looked back at her and said, “I loved you.” In the past tense.
Again, she coldly responded “But you didn’t know me.”
I couldn’t believe it, but part of me remembered some of the things about leaning into tension. I’m empathic by nature, and I often sacrifice my thoughts and feelings and I avoid expressing them because other people might get upset.
Throughout all of this, I could feel her tension. She could feel mine. I've been practicing the art of noticing body language and how people are feeling. And I could tell she was not comfortable. Not one bit. And to be truthful, I didn't care. Now, if I had purposefully tried to seek her out, I would have, but this wasn't the case.
I remembered, “That’s her shit to deal with. Not mine.” It doesn’t matter to anyone else but me if I loved her. Regardless of the time or the circumstances we were together. My feelings are valid. While it might sound weak, I NEEDED to say that to her. I needed to know that she knew I truly cared about her, and that her discarding me was devastating to me.
Instead of sucking up to her, pleading, begging, and trying to be nice. I knew… this was my only opportunity to say what she needed to hear. The time for niceness and polite behavior died long ago.
However, I was still kind, I did not take things too far or get out of line. I felt triggered and angry, but my inner adult had enough control to be respectful.
And also, no person is worth getting in trouble for.
I also asked her why she ghosted me and she said, “I didn’t want to hurt you.” Yet, this whole fiasco that happened weeks ago hurt me more because she acted like a 10-year-old avoiding their feelings and not like a real adult.
I finally said to her, while she was backing away, “You hurt me.”
As expected, her response was to avoid accountability with a pithy, heartless apology and excuse herself from the conversation.
I went home, but I was still unnerved. For the last year, I’ve started to practice sinking into my feelings instead of avoiding them. It helped a lot, and ironically, I feel happy. I feel happy because I took back my power. I stood up to her. Said my peace.
I trust life a little bit now. Life is starting to rebuild trust in me, because I was not expecting this, and I believed I would never get closure. But after this, I realized I got closure once before with another ex. Not directly but hearing that this previous ex was in a new relationship hurt me, but it cemented in me that “it’s over”.
I think life has helped me see “it’s over” with her as well. We could never go back to what we had. I feel freer.
As I remember my past, life has always given me what I needed at the time. Closure, a new job opportunity, a new relationship. It was always when I least expected it
Enjoy what you just read? 🌟 This is just the beginning! Subscribe to my premium newsletter for more exclusive content, deep dives, and personal updates that I only share with my paid subscribers.
Your support not only lets you access more of what you love but also helps me create more amazing content.
Upgrade now and become part of our closer community.