If the Fearful Avoidant Woman Were Honest, She’d Say This (And What to Do About It)
Part two of our series of ‘if the avoidant were honest with you’
You know you’re dating a fearful avoidant woman when the only thing consistent about her behavior is the inconsistency itself.
The fearful-avoidant (FA) attachment style is also known as disorganized attachment. It’s like you’re dating someone with relationship anxiety and avoidant tendencies all wrapped up in one cute little bow.
Yeah, she might have a beautiful smile and a loving embrace, but she can be stone-cold when she wants to be. (And to be fair, this isn’t exclusive to women, it’s just something that I am personally familiar with. And it’s not fun)
So one day she’s all in, showing you love and affection, and the next day she’s distant, unreachable, and moody.
We can think of this as the typical hot and cold cycle.
Several days ago, I wrote about the dismissive-avoidant man and how his attachment wounds manifest as the agreeable, ‘go with the flow’ nice guy. His behavior is a little different. He typically displays the same flat, nonchalant, emotionless patterns for most of the relationship.
He might ‘act out’ here and there, but his behavior is predictably boring for the most part.
If you have time, I’d recommend reading that article as well, which you can find here.
I’m focusing on the ‘fearful avoidant woman,’ this time for a certain reason.
Attachment wounds and their associated issues don’t segregate themselves into specific genders.
But from what I can tell, women seem to be:
Socialized and conditioned
Or biologically predisposed
To prioritize relationships, and emotional connection and seem to gravitate toward more nurturing roles.
This deep need for intimacy is contradicted by a very real fear of rejection. She’s torn between a deep desire for love and intimacy, but sadly, her fears of getting too close often prevail.
Growing up, the young girl who would become a fearful avoidant woman, had one or more dysfunctional parents. As a result, they’re haunted by childhood trauma that subtly dictates their behavior.
If she couldn’t trust her parents, she learned from a young age, that she couldn’t trust anybody to get too close.
To no fault of her own, this makes her sensitive to certain relationship dynamics. Like a real wound, emotional wounds make avoidants highly reactive to the slightest things their partner may or may not do.
As a result, her behavior will be disorganized or erratic in her attempts to form bonds with others.
So with this in mind, let’s find out what the fearful-avoidant woman really wants to say.