What It’s Like to Date an Avoidant: 8 Glaringly Obvious Signs They’re Emotionally Unavailable

It’s time to stop dating people who can’t uphold their role in the relationship

Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash

Have you ever dated someone and you thought you were the only one trying?

Their mixed signals leave you wondering.

Am I too needy?

Did I say the wrong thing?

Am I not good enough?

The truth is, it’s unlikely it was anything you did wrong.

You’re not imagining things. They’re just incapable or struggle with relationship fundamentals. It’s quite likely you’re dating someone with an avoidant attachment style.

Avoidants are masters of emotional unavailability.

They fear the very foundation of a relationship — vulnerability, intimacy, commitment — but simultaneously, they desperately crave love and connection like anyone else.

Think of it like a kid at the edge of a diving board: they want to jump in, but their fears paralyze them. Rather than facing those fears, many avoidants remain stuck in the shallow end, wasting their time and others’ by entering relationships they can’t fully commit to. 

The sad truth is that they won’t change. Not unless they hit “rock bottom” and realize their fears are destroying their relationships.

If this feels like a familiar situation, these 8 warning signs indicate they might be emotionally unavailable.

If so, it may be time to reconsider a relationship with them.